d204 is a project where i take a list of eighty songs that i wrote & record whichever one comes up when i roll a d20 & a d4

the song

things have been a little rough
i need time to dry out
i need to say i’m sorry for all my twitter cryouts
things have been pretty hard
i know you’ve been concerned
i’ll put the fire out, but i’ve still got shit to burn

the vlog

I think that a lot of my songs about sobriety– the potential of sobriety, and recognising my alcoholism, before I stopped drinking, have like this really intense desperation to it? And I think– it’s actually funny to me in some ways that I apologise in this song for acting out? You know, that I wanna, like– the cries for attention, I’m sorry that I was doing that, um– because this song is absolutely also a cry for attention, um. A lot of them were. Which is– one of the things that’s complicated about writing music about your shit, um, especially when you’re really in it. I was both desperate for and terrified that anyone would acknowledge the things I said in songs. Like, you know, that I– I would play this song at a– at a show, and then get drunk after, right, with people, and have that thought of like… is this weird for you? Or do you think that that was all in the past tense?

I think that’s a– I’m not, to be clear, like attempting– I’m not trying to call anyone out. Dealing with somebody who’s in the midst of addiction, especially if they are managing to hide large parts of it, is incredibly complicated. I think it’s– I almost feel like a guilt? Um, because I would like, refuse to say it to people just in conversation but would write songs about it and then it wouldn’t be acknowledged outside of it. And I don’t– I don’t know if that’s fair.